Other moms are crafty like with yarn and embroidery and needles and scissors and stuff.

It’s the moms in the second camp to whom we dedicate this Mother’s Day Mondo Gift Guide:

Mom-to-Be: Along with the nesting comes the knitting. Get soon-to-be-mama inspired with a book of baby patterns. She’ll be whipping up wee woolens in no time. Yarn pick: Cascade 220 Superwash. Fun colors that go straight from the baby to the washing machine and back.

Fashion Mom: For the Mamanista, there’s an awesome choice: Unraveled, which features SWINTON on the cover. Give her the book and a ticket to the Gaultier exhibit at the DeYoung, which features live and in person one of the dresses from the book. So exciting! Yarn pick: Ultra-fashioney neon pink “She Wasn’t a Wallflower” from Little Red Bicycle.

Generations of Moms: My Grandmother’s Knitting. The Princess loves this book. Some of the best knit designers in the world are featured. They tell their stories of how moms and grandmoms inspired their craft, and then present very cool, hip designs that make you want to go hug your grandmama who taught you how to knit. Yarn pick: We love the vintagey, homespun, cozy feel and fabulous colors of Cabin Fever.

Or…take mom in the embroidery direction with a Tattooed Tea Towel kit from Sublime Stitching. Take it to the next level with metallic thread.

Or get her a hot-pink Knit Kit. It’s like the swiss army knife for crafters, containing measuring tape, scissors, crochet hook, point protectors, stitch markers, thread cutter, needle gauge and row counter all in one tiny, very portable, TSA-approved kit.

To all moms and moms-to-be, the Princess salutes you!

Here’s what was accomplished. In one fell swoop, this splinter group managed to destroy any goodwill small business owners had for the Occupy movement. Right or wrong, Occupy is now associated with this senseless complete stupidity. Small business owners are so far from the 1% it’s ridiculous. In addition, here’s what really happens.

Let’s take two examples. Weston Wear’s window was smashed in. Why? Do the 1% parade around in stretch dresses? So the owners have to call it in to their insurance. The result is that insurance rates immediately rise for everyone on the street. In addition, Weston Wear has to close for a day to install a new window. That means that whoever works there loses a day’s pay. Is that person, who is probably fairly young, and has to live with a bunch of roommates and whose paycheck day-by-day makes the difference in paying their rent or not, really part of the 1%? Not likely. In addition, shoppers are going to think twice about coming to Valencia. We hope they won’t, but could definitely be a residual effect. That brings everybody down again. With a dip in business, owners won’t be able to afford extra help. In extreme circumstances, something like this could put a very small business out of business.

Now let’s take some of the many cars whose windows were smashed in. Aside from the one or two luxury mobiles, there were a ton of everyday cars that got vandalized. That “luxury” 1999 honda might belong to a dishwasher who works at, say Locanda, another restaurant that got vandalized–while people were in there eating dinner. That may be this person’s only way to get to work. Maybe they can’t afford to live in the city, which is why they’re driving. The car’s in the shop, and again, they may lose out on a day’s pay because they can’t make it to work. Part of the 1%? Oh, dishwasher, stop waving your fat offshore accounts in our poor faces!

I’m very, very thankful the Princess wasn’t hit (as a royal, she’d be a prime target). But very angry this occurred at all.

I should mention that a conspiracy theory floating around is that enemies of the Occupy movement (ie big corporations) hired thugs to perpetrate the violence and make Occupy look bad. While that’s a good plot that would fit in perfectly on the show “Revenge” (Victoria Grayson hires thugs to detract from the murder of Amanda’s father!), in reality, that would require more forethought than I think the thugs were capable of. I suspect that it was just a bunch of juvies who saw an opportunity to get all giddy on smashing stuff up. Actually, I think they probably were just going to paint bomb stuff, and then got outta hand, french revolution mob style.

Way to stick it to the Man!

Anyway, to bring it back to knitting, now you can knit your very own 1964 Balaclava, and stand out from the mob!

Am I wrong? Disagree? Think these dopes were geniuses of social change? Bring it in the comments.

Here’s the definition, according to Wikipedia, where everything is always absolutely true. At least in the case of pop culture:

The Manic Pixie Dream Girl (MPDG) is a stock character in films. Film critic Nathan Rabin, who coined the term after seeingKirsten Dunst in Elizabethtown (2005), describes the MPDG as “that bubbly, shallow cinematic creature that exists solely in the fevered imaginations of sensitive writer-directors to teach broodingly soulful young men to embrace life and its infinite mysteries and adventures.” MPDGs are said to help their men without pursuing their own happiness, and such characters never grow up, thus their men never grow up.

In addition to Kirstin Dunst’s character in Elizabethtown, we also have Zooey Dechanel in just about everything she’s ever done, most notably New Girl. Also from that we have the term I wish would immediately be banned from the English language: adorkable.

I think there’s also been a trend in knitting toward the Manic Pixie Dream Girl. And I’ll tell you right now, I’m falling for it. Hard. Do I want to? Not necessarily. Do I find myself sucked into patterns that are undeniably…cute? Yes.

Exhibit A: Ysolda Teague’s Roisin Hood. I love this thing, even though it’s a mix between an elf cap and an old-woman’s plastic rain hood. Yet, I love the challenge of it, and honestly, it’s been so crazy windy weird weather here in SF, with heavy fog to come, that it’s incredibly useful.

Exhibit B: Almost anything by Tiny Owl Knits, but specifically the Bo Peep Bow thingy. Again, I love this, but should I? Realistically, would it look good on moi, who typically wears jeans and sweatshirts every day? Hm…And yet, color me charmed.

Exhibit C: the Beulah Cardigan, in the Spring 2012 edition of Knitscene. Could be retro, but the awesome bright yellow color fits it squarely in MPDG territory. Again, I love it it, despite its girlish leanings.

What say ye, dear readers? Do you believe that MPDG’s (which I also believe can be guys, given the right circumstances), are balls of fairy-dusted delight, in touch with their inner children, and thus spark joy in others? Or have we taken a big step back from the feminist revolution, devolving into quirky, hipster girl women who act only as foils for the outside world? Does it matter? And up to what age is MPDG appropriate and not just plain sad? And most importantly, most importantly of all, what are your favorite MPDG patterns?

Put on your big girl panties and deal with it in the comments.

Okay, I understand that I’m in a coffee shop. Technically a public place, true. Howsomever, why, why, WHY would you have your private conversations about college admissions and various teenagers’ psychological problems in a public place?

True, I hate talking on the phone. Pretty much all the time. Which is why I love texting and email. And I find it to be especially rude in a public place. I find myself longing for the days of rotary phones, which tethered people to their own homes, or a phone book outside.

Christ, I was just about to tell this guy to take his next call outside, when his terrifyingly militaristic bodyguard/spawn walked up. Clearly he needs a bodyguard, since he talks on the phone in public all the time.  Look at that frighteningly bad haircut.

The force of my hate-glare isn’t working hard enough. My revenge shall come slowly, as the brain tumor in his head slowly grows.

I just told asked him to take his next call outside and he didn’t even respond! Holy hell. How is this possible? Perhaps he’s deaf in that phone ear. He just stared at me blankly with those little pig eyes and a line of snot running down his nose.

Okay, rant done.

Now I have about one paragraph’s worth of strength left in me for the discussion at hand.

Wait, real-time interruption. Excellent. Now the jarhead has come up to me to complain that I don’t get to decide who gets to talk on the phone in a public place. That’s where you’re wrong, jarhead. I actually DO get to decide. It took all my strength to say “You’re not from here, are you?”

Okay, settling down, back to the subject at hand…

While I’m a constant knitter, I’m also a fairly slow knitter. I just finished a sweater (the super awesome Vitamin D), which is blocking right now. Among two other smaller projects on the needles (the challengingly fabulous German Stockings by Cookie A. and the Windsor Warmer from New England Knits), I just started the extra-uber-great Cityscape sweater, from Twist Collective.

I’m doing this as a knitalong with my friend Mer. It’s sort of an unspoken race. Problem is, she’s a much faster knitter than I am. The majority of this sweater is in stocking stitch. And I’ve had this almost unconquerable…urge…to start knitting Continental. I don’t know why. I’m a thrower. I do two-handed knitting for stranded colorwork, but full on continental? Well, that’s just not my bag. But apparently it makes for faster knitting. Yet when I try, my gauge is all loose and my hands just don’t want to go that way. But can I, can I really try and practice, and thus achieve the speed that continental knitters are known for?

Now, the other thing I’m really interested in is Lever Knitting. I think I already somewhat do that, but it would be nice to learn officially. But where? How?

Tell me knitters, tell me now. Do you knit English? Continental? Or do you go both ways?

More than that, my mind has been blown by the phone man and his slavish boy-servant and the altercation. Sorry for the rambling rage-filled rant, but it is what it is, and at least I’m not ranting at you out loud, so you’ve got that going for you.

Now I have to go off and knit to quell the rage. Next post: why knitting quells rage and has prevented countless murders.

“Nancy! Nancy, you’re needed in San Francisco.”

“It sounds urgent, Aunt Kathy. What is it?”

“It IS urgent, my dear niece. My friend Jenn discovered a rare vintage 80’s sweater on Etsy…but by the time she found it, it was sold.”

“Oh no, Auntie. That’s terrible. Can’t she knit it?”

“That’s the trouble, Nancy. This would be her first sweater–and I can’t find a pattern that’s quite on.”

“Have you looked at Ravelry?”

“Indeed I have, my girl. Perhaps the equivalent is hidden under another name.”

“Golly, this IS a mystery! A mystery worthy of Nancy Druid, Girl Knit Detective. I’ll get right on it, Auntie.”

Nancy hung up the rotary phone without saying goodbye, and thought about the problem at hand. How could she find this missing pattern? How could she skip school and go to San Francisco? Where would she get the money for a plane ticket? But all of this was nothing compared to a mystery that piqued the curiosity of the famous girl detective.

It must be a pattern good for a beginner, with a lot of sass, sexiness and fun knitting. If a pattern couldn’t be found, why, she’d make one! If one took slight liberties with the pattern, it could easily be knit top-down, in the round. The yoke would have the diamond lace pattern, which would lead to slimming lines of lace down to the bottom. Add a little shaping in the waist, and why, yes, this could be done.

But even better if one could find a pattern first. Nancy put on a rust orange over-the-knee sweater, a butter-colored cardigan, and her trusty brown oxfords. After all, this was going to take a lot of legwork and she needed comfortable shoes.

One plane ride and BART ticket later (luckily, the amount of reward money she’d earned in the Case of the Shattered Diamond had paid exactly that amount), she emerged into the sunlight at 16th and Mission. Gosh, Nancy thought, there certainly are a lot of people muddling about for the middle of the day. Why so much yelling? What’s that strange smell? Straightening her shoulders and refusing to make eye contact, she purposely strode toward Valencia and 19th, where she’d talk to her first witness: Princess Animal.

What do you think, fair readers? Will Nancy be able to find a pattern that works? Or should she just make one up as she goes along? What yarn should she use? Does the sweater have to be black? The suspense is killing us!

If you, or someone you know, has encountered a sweater pattern of similar mien lately, please inform the top-down, seamless authorities in the comments below.